Being, not Doing…Ahhh….
This is my first posting in about a month- a far cry from the weekly schedule considered imperative by those “in the know” of blogging. As a matter of fact, many experts suggest a minimum of twice a week. However, something I often blog about is how being outside the box is a necessary factor in recovery from chronic illness, so what kind of example would I be if I didn’t, on occasion, thumb my nose at expectations, especially those I find occasionally oppressive? I am gradually winnowing “shoulda’, coulda’, woulda’, hafta’ ” from my mental lexicon.
I will explain what I have been attempting to do in the last month, since my return from presenting a workshop at the Parkinson’s Summit in Santa Fe. I have been busy doing MOSTLY NOTHING!! That’s right, you heard it: NADA. ZILCH. BUPKIS. ZERO. Why?
In the weeks prior to the Parkinson’s Summit in Santa Fe I decided to produce a “little book to accompany the workshop.” Writing a book had been a ship that I thought had sailed past my reach many years ago, something perhaps for a more vigorous lifetime. But I had also thought I was done with all writing until I began public speaking, and then blogging about my recovery a few years ago. So I initiated what I thought would be a small project, not realizing I would “enter the zone” of compulsive concentration, endless revision, research, creativity,and yes, fun and satisfaction. Can you already see some of the ghosts of Parkinson’s/Type A personality there?
More emerged as I was writing. My computer chair was a folding, wooden-slotted number: no cushions, no armrests, a sharp bend at the knee. Not a comfortable set-up. But I didn’t notice this till the book was almost completed and a friend wandered into my office. She was horrified with the ergonomics and went home and returned with an upholstered, swivel armchair, upon which I am gratefully seated right now (thanks, Michelle!).
Concurrent with this scene was a a swollen and painful left ankle, which I did feel, but managed to ignore. I really didn’t allow myself to notice it till the project was almost complete. By that time my flight to New Mexico was a few days away and I was sent for x-rays and ultra-sound imaging to make certain a clot would not preclude air travel. There was no clot. There was, I was informed, scar tissue from an old injury, which, of course, I could not recollect. This would not surprise Janice Walton-Hadlock or anyone familiar with her extensive research on Parkinson’s Disease.
So, how far in recovery am I- that I still ignore, play deaf, disregard the signals of pain? It becomes evident one must remain ever-vigilant, no matter which side of the recovery matrix we inhabit. So, upon my return home from New Mexico I have been showering myself with kindness, especially that ankle. Along with qigong, I have been elevating, icing, receiving acupuncture- staying off my feet so I can get back on my feet, and even using a foot stool along with my plush computer chair. And guess what? It’s getting much better. Swelling and pain have greatly subsided, and I decided while in the process of resting my body, I would rest my pen as well. My compulsive nature turned to my kindle, which allowed me a negligible amount of time between completing one book and ordering another. I made sure to read only novels and had great fun!
So today marks my gradual, gentle re-entry to the world of commitment and endeavor. I never thought I’d be tattling on myself, but it seems to happen more frequently as I become aware of when I’m in recovery and when I’m slipping. I don’t give myself an “A” in “Listening to the Body” for this semester. I will be more present for myself next term!
April 7th: I will be hosting “Sunday Connections”- the internet radio program dedicated to healing. Time: 2pm, Pacific.This would be a good occasion for those of you who have read my book, “Reboot and Rejoice” to call in with questions and/or comments. Any and all callers and healing-related topics are welcome. I will be sending out the link next week. For those who can’t be present for the live broadcast, you may always send in questions in advance, and listen later.
April 9th and 10th- I will be visiting The Intensive Healing Retreat led by Master Mingong Gu in Santa Rosa- hope to see some of you there.
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There have recently been a number of questions about consulting and and coaching. Yes, I am still available for both, for more info see: http://www.mettamorphix.com.
Haola and Happy Springtime,